I created a spreadsheet detailing the income and expenses for the year of my maternity leave (true accountant style!). How were we ever going to afford our mortgage if I stop work for a year to look after our new baby? Something I so desperately wanted to do.
Thinking about our finances stressed me out so much!
But I didn’t want to leave our baby to return to work early. I wanted to spend as much time as possible with her.
A few years earlier my husband and I had built our dream house and the repayments were easy when we were both working. But, now I just wished that we had bought a more affordable house so I didn’t have to worry about making the mortgage repayments every month from one income.
Money at the last minute
When Christmas time came I remember knowing that our money was fast running out. How were we going to get through?!
Then a large payment came into our bank account that I wasn’t expecting. A government family assistance payout. I don’t remember specifically applying for it, but it arrived unexpected at the perfect moment when we needed it most!
A similar thing happened 4 or 5 times over the course of the last 12 years. We were on the very verge of running out of money when a large payment came into our bank account unexpectedly, sometimes from family, other times a government payment that we had no idea was coming, another time a well-timed redundancy package.
And each time we got close to running out of money I stressed about it less, because I remembered that it had all worked out last time we were on the edge.
Why money at the last minute?
I believe that God took care of us. He has infinite resources, but he chose to leave his provision to the last minute to help me trust him more.
Last year we were on the verge of running out and I didn’t know if we would have to sell the farm, but then out of the blue we stumbled across a farm household assistance package that we were entitled to. Saved yet again!
We are currently struggling to pay our bills. We’ve had unexpected vet bills for our cattle and the hens have dropped off laying, meaning our income is way down and our expenses way up. I do feel the stress of it when I think about it and see that we don’t currently have the money to pay for things, but then I remember the many times over the past 12 years when I didn’t know how we were going to make it through, when out of the blue money fell into our laps when we needed it most.
So, I’m choosing to trust and not stress because I know that God is looking after us. I feel we’re following where he’s leading us and I know deep down that he will provide what we need as he’s always done in the past.
I lay in bed last night thinking how good it is to be able to rest easy, worry free because it’s not all on me. I just do what I can, and leave the rest up to God.
The stakes are higher now, but I feel a lot more at ease than I did 12 years ago with our newborn looking ahead to the year on one income.
Looking back now I wish I could tell younger me that it will all work out. Just trust God. He knows exactly what I need, when I need it. But most of all he’s working to build trust and character in me and that only comes through the trials of life. In my case money trials.
